Decisions by Design | Edition 08

Letting Go vs. Dissolution: Inner Saboteurs and Outer Structures.  

Not everything that holds us back from making aligned decisions is ours to carry.

Learning what’s internal and what’s relational, that’s the work.

In my coaching conversations, I will often ask, “What do you need to let go of to make space for something new to emerge?”

A thought loop. A fear. A judgment. The ego.
And yes, sometimes, that’s exactly what’s needed to cross a threshold. 

Letting go is an intrapersonal process.

It’s what happens when we observe a thought or feeling that’s no longer true and decide to release it.

Letting go is about loosening the grip of an inner saboteur. A belief, story, or reaction that once kept us safe but now keeps us small.

It might sound like:
“I’m not responsible for how everyone feels.”
“I can set a boundary and still be kind.”
“I don’t need to prove my worth.”

These are inner energetic shifts.
Private but powerful. 

Like turning down the volume on an old song you no longer want stuck in your head.

But not everything can be let go from the inside out.

Sometimes the thing that keeps us stuck lives outside of us.

A pattern that lives between people.
An outdated agreement.
A dynamic that no longer serves.

This is where dissolution comes in.

Dissolution is an interpersonal process.

It is the conscious act of dismantling something shared.
A structure. A relationship. A role. A way of being together.

It might mean renegotiating.
It might mean walking away.
It might mean grieving what was, even if it no longer works.

While letting go invites you to change your relationship with yourself, dissolution asks you to change your relationship with the other.

It’s not about blame.
It’s about truth.
And the courage to say, "This is no longer sustainable."

Both processes are powerful.
But they are not the same.
 
Letting go helps you move beyond the grip of self-doubt and sabotage.
Dissolution helps you dismantle a relational structure that no longer serves.

And both, when done with intention, create space.

Space for alignment.
For clarity.
For something new to emerge.

So the next time you feel the pull to release, pause and ask:

Is this mine to shift on the inside, or ours to dissolve together?

The answer will tell you where the real work lives.

Until next time.

With Clarity and Care,

Courtney