Decisions by Design | Edition 10

Making Friends with Fear. 

Fear is both ancient and universal. It lives in the body before it enters the mind.

Tight shoulders. Shallow breath. An upset stomach. A racing heart. Fear is one of the most unconscious forces in human decision-making. It was designed to send signals to keep us alive. In the absence of real danger, fear can really hold us back. 

It can rush us into choices we later regret.
It can paralyze us into not choosing at all.
And sometimes, it disguises itself so cleverly as logic, caution, or “responsibility” that we barely notice its hand on the wheel.

But when examined with radical curiosity, fear shifts. It becomes a companion, pointing us toward the thresholds where growth is waiting to unfold.

The Faces of Fear

Our nervous system does not automatically distinguish between physical danger and psychological or social danger. Fear is not one-dimensional. At The Beacon Collective, we look at fears through three lenses: 

• Fear of Survival
  The instinctive signal that keeps us alert but can also keep us small. Worrying about failure, responsibility, or the past repeating itself.
• Fear of Uncertainty
  The mental loop of “what if?” that drives us to overthink, chase answers, and fear being misunderstood.
• Fear of Vulnerability
  The emotional hesitation that avoids conflict or relational intimacy, rooted in the worry of judgment, rejection, truth, or a loss of control.

By consciously choosing to understand our fear, we begin to loosen its grip and create space for expansion. 

Generating Fear Awareness

Awareness begins in the pause and intentional “scan” for the presence of fear. 

• Notice before you name. Where is fear showing up in your body? Shoulders, stomach, breath?
• Ask without assumption. What might this fear be trying to protect? What threshold is it pointing me toward?
• Distinguish signal from story. Is this fear alerting me to a real risk, or is it amplifying a shadow from the past?
• Stay with it longer. Radical curiosity slows us down just enough to listen longer, so fear can reveal what we’d otherwise miss..

Fear often points to what matters most, marking the edges of growth we are ready to meet. 

The Shift: Making Friends with Fear

To befriend fear is not to eliminate it but to embrace it with open arms. To recognize its role as a trusted advisor, and not a driver. And like any dear friend, fear offers a perspective. You can thank it, listen to it, and then choose whether or not to act on it.

When my executive coaching clients get stuck, I will often inquire: What are you afraid of?
And once named: Is that true?

Fear is not the full truth. It is simply one potential outcome.

When we meet it with awareness and curiosity instead of resistance, we gain a deeper sense of personal agency and authority over how we navigate life’s decisions. 
Courage as the Antidote

If fear is the wall, courage is the doorway.

Courage does not erase fear. It walks beside it.
It allows us to act even when fear is present, to move forward with trembling hands and open eyes.

Courage is the muscle we build when we consciously recognize fear's presence and choose momentum over avoidance and agency over anxiety.

A Leadership Challenge

This week, find one place where you feel resistance. A decision you’ve delayed, a conversation you’ve avoided, or a threshold you’ve circled but not crossed.

Write down the fear that is present and give it words on a page.

Then ask yourself:

• If I were not afraid, what decision would I make?
• If courage walked beside me, what threshold could I cross?

That one practice can make fear your ally and courage your way forward. 

Until Next Time. 

With Clarity and Care,

Courtney